Monthly Archives: July 2011

Feeling the love.

Collin and I had a very difficult morning. I am constantly telling myself that 99% of the time his poor behavior is a direct result of being tired (he went to bed late after a busy day yesterday) but that doesn’t make it any less draining. I cannot tell you how badly I just want to go back to bed and start over. But I can’t.

So, instead, I will look back at these time where I was so in love with the sweet moments we were enjoying. <3




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Standing still.

I can’t believe it is almost August. In just a couple of days we will flip the calendar and stand by as another month begins.

Life is flying by at lightning speed – so why do I feel like I am standing still?

People are changing and growing and moving ahead all around me. They are getting new jobs or promotions, going on trips, creating new life, getting married, getting new pets, getting new cars and so on and so forth.

Me? I’ve gone nowhere. I feel like I am on lockdown. No forward progress.

A man grows most tired when standing still” -  Chinese proverb

I’m exhausted.

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To be inspired. To be creative.

It had been a while since I picked up my camera and I was feeling guilty about it. I had a senior session the other night and that inspired me to go out and snap a few shots before I headed out. Between that and yesterday, when I was outside playing with C, I managed to grab some different pictures around my house.

First off, this picture is a “faux macro,” as in I held my 50mm lens backwards up to my nekkid camera body and managed to get this. This method really tricky, since I have to stabilize both hands to do this. I do not have the steadiest hand in the world, but I’ll take it. I really like this photo…

macrobud

and then, she {snapped}

These next couple are just from around the yard. The kitty is my black cat, Duncan. He’s so handsome <3 He’s filthy, though, because he’s shedding and loves rolling around in the dirt. The dragonfly was taken with my 85mm. Its a pretty severe crop, and I wish the focus was on the head, but I totally love how much detail you can see in the wings.

duncan1
dragonfly
pinkflower

Finally, here’s my yeah-he’s-all-boy almost 3 year old. Just to clarify, that is dirt all over is face. Linking up to Snap and Share for the theme “young.”

allboy

Grace Loves the Beatles
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Photo Tales Tuesday {14} – A year goes by

Happy Tuesday! I hope you’re here to join in on Photo Tales Tuesday this week! If not, that is completely okay, thanks for visiting!, but while you’re looking around please keep in mind that joining in is easy! All you need is a photo and some words to go with it! :-) You can read more down at the bottom.

This week I have a diptych for you – two photos of my little man. He’s going to be 3 in two short weeks and I am starting to feel that little stage of sadness that seems to rear its ugly head every year as I realize just how much time has gone by and how big he is getting.

1yearcjp

The first picture was taken last July, the second was from just a couple of weeks ago. He’s getting so big. So, so big! I’m going to find myself going through old photos, reminiscing and crying pretty soon if I’m not careful! I love watching him turn into a little boy right before my eyes, he makes me so proud, but there is a little tiny part of my being that wouldn’t mind having him be small enough to cradle in my arms and sleep on my chest again. <3

Ready to join in? Have a photo to share? It is easy! All you need to do is post a picture and tell about it, share a link to this post or the button up there (the link for the button is on the right side of my blog), and link your post up down below! Entries close Friday and I will pick an entry at random to be featured here on Saturday! Thank you for stopping by!

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Still learning to be mom.

We had a rough weekend around these parts. I can honestly say that I have never questioned my own parenting as much as I did over the past two days. To say Collin was difficult is an understatement, but now that Monday is here and I can reflect on it, I am glad to put this weekend in the past and learn from it.

After all, I am still learning how to be mom.

I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again: I am not the perfect mother. I am learning as I go, every single day. I try to be a relaxed, “he’s got to learn somehow” type of parent who just lets things happen as they happen. Its worked well for us so far. We are stuck in limbo right now, though, and it is frustrating. It is frustrating for all of us, too, not just me, but for me and Brian and especially Collin.

Collin and I both have a streak of stubbornness in us, and while I am very much a “let things go” type, sometimes I just cannot, and that can get me in trouble. Recently I posted about potty training and got some great advice on how to help my little man in that department. We are still having troubles, but they are getting to be less and less, which is wonderful. However, this weekend’s dramatic flair was all in direct relation to trips to the bathroom.

At the end of a very long day Collin was doing a little dance so I asked him to go potty before we left the BBQ we were at. His response was not exactly positive, and he was not a happy camper when I brought him to the bathroom. Hitting ensued, followed by screaming, and lots of fighting. We finally got him to the car (he was still screaming, crying in hysterics, and fighting us every step of the way – it was pretty embarrassing) and buckled into his seat and we hit the road. As we started going his screams turned into yells in between which he started saying “I want to hit you mama!” over and over. This made my heart sink.

Collin isn’t a physical kid towards others. He very rarely pushes and never hits. Occasionally he’ll grab things from other kids, but for the most part he’s good with words or asking someone for help. So when his words this time were that he wanted to hit me I was surprised. I could be glad he didn’t actually hit me, but I only think that is the case because he was strapped into his seat and couldn’t reach me.

Yesterday (Sunday) we had a pretty decent morning but eventually he was doing that little dance again, so we went to the bathroom and he didn’t do anything. So (here’s that stubborn streak I was talking about…), I sat down on the floor and told him I couldn’t get up until he did something on the potty.

He wasn’t happy, I wasn’t happy, and it was hot in there. He got very upset again, started hitting me and screaming. Eventually, I looked over and his mouth was on my shoulder. He was “biting” me. I swear to you he has never once, ever, bitten someone to my knowledge. I didn’t even realize he knew that doing that could cause someone pain. I was so sad. He really didn’t hurt me, I didn’t even know what he was doing until I looked over and saw, but I am just at a loss. As I said, this behavior seems to be in correlation with the potty and I just don’t know what to do.

Last night we ended up having a great night, so not all was lost. He was in much better spirits after a good nap and some bike riding, but I can’t shake the sinking feeling I got after seeing him bite me.

I know I’ve got to take it in stride and consider myself blessed to have gotten this far without these types of incidents, but honestly that doesn’t make it sting any less. Hopefully we’ll all figure out exactly what it is we need to do to start forging ahead again! And I need to remember… we are ALL still learning.

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