I am scared.
I never, ever would’ve guessed we’d be in the position we are in right now. I am trying so very hard to keep my head up and just go with the flow, but even that gets exhausting when the reality is that I don’t know how I am even keeping it together.
It is scary, petrifying even, to not know what is coming next. To not know how we are getting from one month to the next. I like having control over our lives – over what we are doing each week, to what we are eating, to where we can go for a fun weekend outing. I do not have control right now. I am losing control. We are losing control.
I have not discussed this on here, but we can use all the prayers, good luck, and positive thoughts you can muster up. We are both out of full time work right now. Brian and I are both scraping by as we can to put just a few dollars in our pockets. A few dollars don’t get you very far these days, just so you know.
Brian had an interview last week with a really fantastic company that would make a world of change for us right now. He heard yesterday that he is one of the final 3 they are considering for the position. Will you please keep your fingers crossed for him?
I went out to dinner last night with some lovely ladies who always make me laugh. I was very much looking forward to seeing them, laughing (because that is always a guarantee) and talking about all of our boys (5 moms, all with boys! J – we missed you and your infusion of little girl humor!) Before that I took a little excursion to see if I could get any good shots of the sun setting.
It was gorgeous. I was in this neighborhood with gigantic houses, fancy cars, and probably anything else the owners wanted or could dream of. And I was standing there next to my Honda, feeling guilty for going out with my friends, silently debating if I should feign sickness and return home. I hate that I feel guilty about going out with my friends.
On my way to the restaurant I got some news and our situation went from bad to worse. I cried, a lot. I don’t know what is going to happen next, and I hate not knowing, but I’m going to try to keep my head up. I went to see my friends with a smile on my face and laughed and talked, but as soon as we said our goodbyes it all came rushing back to me.