Collin and I enjoyed a play date yesterday with some friends who he hasn’t been able to see in a long time. It was a lot of fun and when we left he asked when he was going to go back. I love that; I love hearing how much he enjoys playing with his friends – even the ones he doesn’t get to see all that often, and it pains me to know it will probably be another long stretch before we can get together again.
I go back and forth so often between wanting to work full time during the day, as a teacher or a para or something like that, versus finding something from home or something to do at night so I can spend my days with my boy and do the things I want to do with him. Of course, my ideal situation would be that the photography thing really takes off and I can make an income from that, but I hardly doubt that will be immediate. It is going very well, but not quite to that point.
It is so hard to make these decisions that will impact the rest of our lives. We need me to have an income, there is no question about that, but I will never get this time back with Collin and as he gets older he will never have the same freedom to play throughout the day and keep up with his pals. I think I know what I want for myself and for him then I go back to wanting something else and eventually it just turns into a never ending cycle.
I know where I want to be, and where I want to go, but I don’t know how to get there.
I guess, in the meantime, I will just keep on keepin’ on because we do manage to have some fun.