…I am feeling really lonely today. And not because my husband is away for another night. Truly its because it is sinking in that my friends are officially back at work. I have many friends and family who are teachers or who work in an educational setting. I can no longer just text them and expect an answer back, or call on a whim when I think of something I need to talk about. Yesterday was hard, but today seems worse. Reality is setting in… the school year has begun without me… again.
…I am exhausted. Brian was up and ready to leave by 5:30 this morning and Collin must’ve heard him because he woke up then as well, and never fell back asleep. Brian’s away again, just for one night this time, and I’ve got Collin all to myself. Despite our early start and the incessant yawning I was doing, I had planned to take Collin to the beach this morning, so that’s what we did. As soon as he was done eating his breakfast out the door we went. Its really hot here, like 90′s hot, and there is a fierce rip-tide along the beach we went to – which is being caused by the hurricane coming up the coast. There were plenty of people there anyway, though. I packed a lunch for us, all of Collin’s buckets, and we had a great time. We got our feet wet, threw rocks in the water, and had a picnic. I love that boy and am so thankful that I’ve got him to keep me company.
…I am really, really missing my grandfather. Yesterday was the 5 year anniversary of his passing. I am sort-of feeling bad for not acknowledging it on here yesterday, but I was trying not to think of it. I miss him so much. He died of leukemia and it was the most awful thing I’ve ever been through. His disease was under control for a really long time, but he started having stomach pains at one point, so his doctor took him off some medications and once he did that the cancer took no time at all wreaking havoc. It was heart wrenching. Five years ago today I was torturing myself with the guilt of not driving down to Mass. General one last time to see him again. Five years ago, minus a couple days, I had to get up and leave the table at Bugaboo Creek Steakhouse while we were out celebrating my sister-in-law’s birthday because my mother called to tell me it was “bad.” Five years ago I lost an incredible man, who’s goal in life was to make sure his number one granddaughter was always happy, or so it seemed. I can still hear his little whistle to get my attention and I can still see his arm hanging out the window of his car, ready to wave at anyone and everyone. He was so loved.
…I am blessed to know someone with the heart of this lady… Kate. She just gave me this award.
I haven’t really been doing the award thing lately but I wanted to say thank you to Kate because she is just so sweet to me, and so kind. What she had to say over at her blog about my writing really made me feel as though I’m doing something right. She said “It’s easy to blog about the good stuff that goes on, but these two ladies share their struggles and hurts and disappointments in such an authentic and endearing way.” Now, I do realize that I’ve been writing about what is hurting me a lot lately, and I promise I will get over it (don’t I always?), but just having someone acknowledge that my posts and my words are coming from the heart is a great feeling. So, thank you Kate. I really, truly appreciate it. You’ve lifted my spirits today!