Monthly Archive: June 2010

I am not a perfect mother.

Sometimes Collin has PB&J two days in a row. Sometimes all he eats for dinner are french fries. Some days he watches more than one Mickey Mouse Clubhouse…. a lot more than one. Once in a while he has more than two cups of juice a day, and only one cup of milk. There have been a few instances where I have all but locked him in his play room just so I could read a few pages of a book, or empty the dishwasher without his “help” or go to the bathroom in peace.

Sometimes I forget that I am supposed to call someone back, or that a bill is due and I need to get a check in the mail, or that I need gas in my car before I can go anywhere. Some days I think that it would just be so much easier NOT to go out to dinner with friends, or ask my mom to watch Collin again. Once in a while I think about how things used to be and how much easier it would be to not have a child now. There are days where I would give anything to sleep in, do anything I want, and tell responsibility where it can go.

On the other hand, I can hear Collin’s giggle in my mind and it instantly brings a smile to my face. I picture his piercing blue eyes and want to go wake him up just so I can look at him and soak him in even more. I imagine the sensation of his little hand entwining itself with mine as I sit with my arm around him on the couch before bedtime. I can hear the metronome of his breathing as he falls asleep on my shoulder when I rock with him before bed. I can tell you just where the one lonely freckle below his knee is and how when he runs his right arm swings more than his left.

I consider it a triumph that I have managed to retain part of myself as a person and I do get to go out with friends and I can’t even explain how excited I get when I am on my way home and call to find out Collin is still awake so I get to kiss him goodnight. I find so much joy in watching my friends and family interact with him and enjoy him like I get to every day. I remember on a regular basis that, while motherhood certainly is not the easiest thing in the world, it is definitely the best job ever. I have never felt more rewarded than I do when I get a hug from Collin, or when he gets excited to see me, or when someone tells me what a great little boy he is.

I may not be a perfect mother, but I am the best version I know how to be. I take things as they come, learn from my mistakes, and consider it all a great adventure. If all I accomplish along the way is raising a kind, warm, gentle, caring son then I have succeeded.

Summer with C.

Its here! Summer time. Completely, officially, entirely summer. Collin is done with daycare, I’m done with work, and now it will just be the two of us. Well, not just the two of us all the time, but that is what it will seem like. We have some plans already, including our upcoming trip to “Mickey’s house” as well as a day trip to the zoo and the beach, but other than that our schedule is wide open.

I am SO excited to have my bubba home for the summer with me.

Yesterday was his last day of daycare until the beginning of September (since I will hopefully have a job by then) so Thursday afternoon we spent some time baking cupcakes for him to bring in as a treat. He was such a great helper!

We lined our pan and mixed the batter…

He helped me pour the batter into the cups, which I was very impressed with. He was done helping after the first batch, which worked out perfectly. I baked and baked while he played and played. They came out looking quite tasty.

Thursday night I went out to eat with some friends and got a call on my way home that I needed to stop and get some more cupcake mix (yeah, I made them from a box…). Turns out that the gate to our kitchen was left open and my dog ate half of them. I was so bummed. It was the first thing Collin really helped me cook. Oh well, it happens. So I got more mix and all was well. Brian baked them up and frosted the cupcakes and all the kids enjoyed them on Friday.

I am already thinking about what we can do this week. We are going to have fun. Despite his tantrums and streak of stubbornness that he seems to be going through, C really is at a fun age and I just love playing with him and showing him new things. Its going to be a great summer.

It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny (Fri)day!

Happy Friday! Its going to be a bright, sunshiny day here in New England I don’t think I could possibly be more excited for that because I am headed to the beach! Yesterday it was incredibly humid and overnight, with a passing “storm” (that never seemed to pass us?), the air has lightened and the sun is already out. I can’t wait, I just need to find my sunblock.

I’ve got to go get ready so this is going to be a shortish post with questions from Mama M‘s 5QF to entertain you. I hope you all have a good day! Happy Friday, again!

1. Do you know how to play a musical instrument?
Yes, I know how to play many musical instruments. Being a music teacher will do that to ya. My “main” instrument is the trumpet, and I spent many years playing the Euphonium (or Baritone horn) as well. In high school I also played the Tuba. I took piano lessons for about half a year and didn’t get very far with that. In college I had to take a class so I could learn how to play every single instrument family. My favorite non-brass family instrument was the saxophone. Probably because its a fairly easy one to learn!

2. What is your pet peeve while driving?
I absolutely HATE when people don’t stop at stop signs. HATE IT. I also hate when you’re on the highway and someone passes you then gets in front of you and slows down. Ugh.

3. Would you rather have a housekeeper or unlimited spa services?
No question – unlimited spa services!! Could you imagine?! I’d be so relaxed that cleaning wouldn’t even seem like a chore! Yes please :-)

4. Is there a song that you hear that will take you back to the moment, like a junior high or high school dance?
“Sweet Caroline.” Instead of taking me to a Red Sox game it now takes me back to one of my favorite memories from my wedding. There are many songs that take me back to the days of roller skating at the skating rink we used to go to with school, lol!

5. What song best represents your life right now?
Oh, I don’t know. Something that would say “everything will be okay” and “Just a bump in the road” and “everything happens for a reason” would be appropriate.

Its Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies…

Have you ever had a two year old? Well, if you have then I’m sure you can agree with me. It is NOT always rainbows and butterflies. If you have not had a two year old, well… just trust me then.

Collin is a month and a half away from two, but you’d never guess it based on his appearance or his behavior. I’m one-hundred and ten percent positive we’ve entered the “terrible twos.” Except, I don’t like calling it that. I don’t care for “terrifying threes” either. Both imply pessimism towards the whole thing and I don’t like to start off on the wrong foot. And to be honest, much more of the time Collin is a really good kid compared to when he’s not. I’m not just saying that because I’m his mother, either. I mean it.

Its started though. No. NO, no, no. NOOOOOOOOO. No? He’s saying no. To everything. Usually he actually means it and knows what he is saying no to, but sometimes I think he likes seeing what emotions he can get out of me and his father. Ninety nine percent of the time we are both just buckled over in laughter. I know… great parenting, right?

Yesterday he had a 46 minute tantrum. We were playing outside with the hose and his water table and it was 5:30 and time to go in to get ready for dinner. I told him 5 more minutes… then 4, 3, 2… “Collin, 1 more minute.” “NOOOOOooooooooooooo!” Commence screaming now. He was sopping wet. Soaked clothes, squishy wet shoes, a diaper so saturated it was drooping down to his knees. Yeah, it was time to change.

I took control of the situation and carried him inside were he proceeded to scream. I took him to his room where he proceeded to scream. In between breaths and no’s and screams he kept saying “outside.” I know how hard it is to come in after you’ve been enjoying yourself, but it was time to start dinner. So I got him changed into a new diaper and then he started screaming about shoes. Since it was getting later and later the longer this went on I just put him in some pj’s and to satisfy him I put different shoes on. You can’t even imagine how fashionable he looked!

Then we went downstairs and he went to the drawer in the kitchen and took out a spoon then pointed to the fridge. I opened it and he wanted yogurt. I gave him a yogurt and told him he either had to sit at the table or in his high chair. He went to the living room and pointed to the tv which means he wanted to watch his nightly episode of Mickey. So I told him we’d get in his high chair. Screaming ensued. He wanted to sit on the couch and eat his yogurt. I was not budging on this one… no way. After 46 minutes of screaming, crying, kicking, no-ing, and arguing, he finally calmed down, got in his high chair, and ate the yogurt.

Anyway. You get the picture. After yogurt he had dinner and then I put him to bed – which he protested with more screaming and kicking. He proceeded to climb out of his crib for the very first time. I was in a little bit of shock so he came back down with me and we ended up playing trains. Eventually he went to bed, phew.

Yesterday we did not have an easy night. It was discouraging because the whole entire time we were playing outside Collin was in a fantastic mood, laughing, splashing me and just having a great time. It was a reminder that not all of our days are going to be perfect, though. To that end I just want to say that it doesn’t matter. We will get through it. We will have easy days and hard days. I know that all I can do is remind myself that I am blessed with an amazing son no matter how he’s behaving. In the end, it is all worth it.

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