Today is day 3 of back to work week and I have yet to work. The plan was to send Collin back to day care full time so I could sub every day and make some sort of income. I am on the substitute list at 4 (count ‘em – FOUR) different school districts and have yet to get a call. So, here I sit, mopey and tired and down in the dumps today, having a pity party for one.
You see, the thing is, I thought I wanted to work. I even made this post recently about needing to work and having interactions with adults and letting Collin play with his friends, but now I am back to square one. Now that I am sitting here waiting for that phone call I am dreading it. I don’t know if I would feel differently about it if I was teaching in my own classroom at my very own job, but right now all I can think is that I wish he were here, making me laugh, throwing his lunch on the floor, and torturing the dog.
I think if I had the opportunity to stay home, stress-free, I’d jump all over it. I’d love to stay home. I’d love to have play dates, do my best to become a good housewife and I love looking to the future and find myself longing to have the opportunity to chaperone field trips, walk to the bus stop to pick C up and have a full calendar with sports and extra curricular activities… yeah. I want to be that mom (but not this one…).
It has been really hard to send him off to daycare knowing I’ll be home all day. I mean, I’ve gotten a TON of stuff done, which is great, but its killing me that we’re paying for this and here I am, at the computer, rather than making some money. It is also really hard to send him off when I love being with him all day long, playing with his kitchen, watching him ride on his bike, and enjoying so many laughs together.
I think he may be a comedian when he grows up. Okay, maybe not, but he’s quite the entertainer right now. Just last night TJ – thats Tio Juan – came over for a visit and Collin had him in stitches because he was copying his burping. To me it sounds more like a growl, but relentlessly whenever TJ burped (he was doing it on purpose) Collin followed up with one of his own. And how about his dancing? Arms straight out to the side, spinning in circles, Collin loves to dance. And if you ask him if he wants to watch Handy Manny I swear he starts humming what sounds like the opening theme song.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. He is at SUCH a fun age, I am so sad to give up my time with him. I’ve gone through so many scenarios in my mind… get a night job, work on the weekends… work from home. I don’t know. None of them seem ideal. Actually, I’d love to work from home but I’m not sure how to go about that. I keep telling myself that things happen for a reason, because I do still believe that. I just wish I could have some sort inkling of what direction I’m heading…