Laugh Until You Cry

If I ever get my act together enough to menu plan I’d LOVE to make something like this:
Loooooove this:

And finally… one of my favorites lately.

As always – you can find me on Pinterest here: http://pinterest.com/bethp414/

Have a great Monday everyone! The countdown is on – 5 days until vacation!

I had a hard day yesterday.

Really hard.

I think as parents we go through waves of emotions. Turns out those waves may be closely tied to the amount of sleep one gets, but they are there, nonetheless. Collin has been sleeping terribly lately, worse than when he was an infant in fact, and yesterday I found myself resenting him.

I wanted to tell him to “just leave me alone” and I wanted him to feel bad and know that his waking was making me miserable. Go figure – he didn’t get it. He was none the wiser. I was grumpy and short with him, thinking that maybe if I was ugly enough he’d get the hint. FYI – 3 year olds don’t really get subtle hints.

I started the routine I do on a daily basis to get ready for my day and paused to take a deep breath. “Breathe in, breathe out,” I told myself, on the verge of tears, from a mix of exhaustion and anger. My frustration stemmed from the fact that he was waking in the middle of the night to tell us things like “I don’t want to sleep – I am bored” and that he doesn’t “like his bed anymore.” These are all fine feelings to have, but at 1am or 3am or even 4:45am I prefer he keep them to himself. And he just can’t seem to get that.

We had a quiet ride to daycare where I said goodbye with our normal hugs and kisses and let out a big sigh once back in my car alone. I knew I was acting terribly, I knew I was the adult in the situation – so what gives? The only thing I can blame is how tired I am. How zombie-like I feel. How awfully I am sleeping.

I had a conversation with a co-worker about it all and got some perspective. My feelings were valid, I was assured, and instead of getting worked up I should’ve had a real conversation with C about the issues. Which I did last night. I felt awful, beat myself up all day yesterday, and just wanted to give my little man an apologetic hug. I wanted to reassure him, I wanted to convince myself that I knew he didn’t mean to wake us up and create this exhaustion.

I got to daycare to pick him up and he was at the door waiting for me. He gave me a giant hug and smiled and warmed my heart immediately. He had no clue what had weighed on my mind all day – his concern was with who got to play with the blue truck that afternoon. I immediately felt regret. I hated myself for a second, for thinking that it was possible to feel those things towards this incredible child. How dare I?

Smiling back at him, really truly excited to see his sweet face, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted and everything was okay.

I woke up this morning thinking about coming to write a post on a canvas project I just made for my home that I adore and really can’t wait to share. Then I thought, but wait – its Valentine’s Day – I should probably write an ode to my husband and be all cutesy with photos of my son.

But I don’t have any photos of my son this year.

And I am not feeling Valentine’s Day right now – certainly not enough for an Ode to Brian.

So, I am going to show off my latest craft, be proud of it, and wrap Valentine’s Day in there all at the same time.

If you stop by here at all, you’ve probably noticed love for Pinterest via my Monday Pinspiration posts. Well, once again I’ve been pin-spired myself and accomplished something I’ve been in search of doing for years. We have this little wall and the end of our front hallway that has been bare, except for a holiday wreath for the month of December, since we moved into our home. Ehem…. 4 years ago. Thanks to pinterest, that is the case no more!

Thanks to a stretch-wrapped canvas (purchased at 50%off), some craft paint, some scrapbook paper, and Mod Podge (another new love of mine!), I now have a decoration in this spot that I am happy to look at every day. And, for a first try, I am pretty darn happy with the results.

It is not so bright in real life, and the colors on there all match our living room area. I just printed leaf templates on the computer, cut, pasted, and Mod Podged the whole thing. Voila! I love it.

How does this tie into Valentine’s day? Well…. its red

Just kidding. Kind of.

In all seriousness, this is our 12th Valentine’s Day together. In light of our lingering troubles and the fact that we’d like to not feel poor at some point of our lives we’re not going all out this year with gifts or dinners. We know we love each other. Collin knows we love him. We all share that every day. I’m not going to go all “Hallmark Holiday” on you, because I do think it is nice to do something a little extra special, but it isn’t for us this year. And we’re okay with that.

Instead, this year we’ll be here, together, in this home we’ve created, that we are constantly trying to improve (even if it is just with *ehem* crafts made with canvas, paint and mod podge), enjoying each others’ company, laughing, and maybe even playing “spies”. I love my husband and son, and they are most definitely my favorite Valentine’s, Ever.

Happy Monday!

Thats me!

I came across this pin this morning and it goes perfectly with what I intended to write about today – so lets share that first:

I’ve been struggling lately with WW and owning up to what it is I’ve been trying to do for the last seven months and have felt like a huge failure over the last couple weeks. I sabotage myself every single day and it is not fair. It is not fair to me and to my husband, who probably thinks I am nuts.

This is all going to change now.

I’ve got some big goals, and while I’m not necessarily being mean to myself, I am being deceitful and untruthful. I have been pretending that it is all okay and that I am doing everything I can for me and that is not at all the truth. One of my resolutions, that I didn’t put in writing anywhere but that I constantly think about, is that I’m going to put myself first more often. I want to build up my confidence and that starts within – and its working… slowly.

Unfortunately, more often than not I build my day off of excuses (“I’ll just have a little more sugar in my coffee” or “I don’t feel like running this morning, I’ll just do it tonight”) and this is where the problem lies. Not only do others not care about this.. I’ve started not caring about this. And it isn’t healthy. And it isn’t helping.

No more excuses.

I’m going to be nice to myself.